so the last couple days i've been thinking, i need to improve my painting/drawing skills like crazy if i want to get anywhere in life. but... at the same time i've had a lack of motivation, inspiration and energy (thanks a lot you stupid cold)... but i believe that my lack of motivation is related to my inability to see anything positive in my work, and that my artist ego is getting in the way of me making some mistakes. ah i feel so stupid, people have been telling me this again and again and i just ignore it like a stubborn idiot. i apologize. i'm gonna have to destroy that negative part of me if i want to get anywhere and actually enjoy drawing again. lol.

anywho... i'm gonna practice like crazy for the next few years. i don't care anymore. my skills are crap right now and i won't get anywhere without some serious studying (no thanks to retarded school elective classes, anatomy was the exception).

anyways... this wasn't really a journal. it was more like written documentation of my goals.




in other news, my new computer is going to kill my bank account. and i need to upgrade to vista 64-bit. but i don't want vista, it's evil!! and because of this, my loyal trusty scanner is going to have to be upgraded too because epson doesn't have a vista 64bit driver for it (but they have vista 32-bit....... why can't they have a 64 bit version too?!!!?!?). b-but i love my scanner. it's never given me any trouble and it's been serving me for like 10 years or something. i feel like a traitor, trying to replace it.